If you really love her, you'd buy her a diamond

I just read a wonderful article on Alternet, about something that has annoyed me for years - those horrible diamond and car commercials. They are particularly bad this time of year, making a man feel like a schmuck if he can't splurge and buy his wife a diamond or a new mercedes. For years, Terry and I have had a good laugh at those commercials. I recently told him that he could buy a toy Mini Cooper, put a red bow on it, and surprise me in the driveway on Christmas morning. I would not be offended.

Seriously, I like that the article talks about how sexist those ads are. They degrade both men and women. There is this stereotype about men that gets played out in popular culture - men are idiots and they are lucky to have the wonderful women in their lives who put up with them. Since I've had Toddler Boy, I've become more aware of how men are subjected to stereotypes and get pigeon-holed into roles just the way women do. I've noticed a certain attitude about males that has reared its ugly head and I don't like it. It is this "boys will be boys" notion, along with the idea that men are just mindless brutes and we women just have to put up with it. I don't like it and I challenge myself not to think of my wonderful husband and sweet son that way.

Those diamond commercials are offensive to women, too. They portray us as greedy sluts who just want a Sugar Daddy to keep us happy, and that we are willing to give love and sex to the highest bidder. Some of us don't care about diamonds, clothes, jewelry, or shoes. I certainly don't and I never have. I hate to shop most of the time (unless it is at a yarn store, hee hee). I have only one diamond, and that is my wedding ring. The modest half caret is good enough for me. Terry doesn't need to buy my love. He already has it.

Tis the season

It's that time of year again. The season that makes me want to crawl into a hole and not come out until December 26th. I cringe when I hear insipid Christmas music in the shops, see snowmen and reindeer motifs all over the place, and have to endure endless, mindless, annoying commercialization. It really is horrible and I can hardly stomach it.

Oh, I know what you are thinking. What a scrooge she is! Not so. I like a good holiday just like anyone. I like celebrating and enjoying time with friends and family. I love to bake cookies, gingerbread, and make a festive time for my kids. I like decorating the Christmas tree, and watching the Nutcracker. I can even stomach some Christmas music, perhaps a little Vince Guaraldi or Frank Sinatra (but let's face it, most Christmas music is sooooo bad). And my kids will always have presents under the tree, because I would never deprive them of that. It's just that, like Charlie Brown before me, I just find it absolutely repulsive what a commerical racket the whole thing has become. It is just out of control!

The other day, Scooby Doo said to me that she knew what Christmas was about. "It's all about getting presents, Mommy," she earnestly told me.

That kind of comment really bothers me. But I can't fault her for saying it. The thing is, she is right. That is what it is about. At least, that is the message she gets from our society.

And we are not giving her anything else to replace that idea with in our family. We aren't religious people. Although we both talk about attending some kind of service sometimes, it hasn't happened yet. Truthfully, I don't know if I could ever stomach being subjected to a sermon and I know I couldn't be a full believer in any kind of religious dogma. I wouldn't mind exploring, though. There are a few groups that intrigue me, like the Unitarian Universalists and the liberal Quakers.

Unfortunately, my family doesn't do a lot of active giving, at least none that my daughter can see and internalize. We donate money and canned goods to the food bank, and we write checks to a few charities throughout the year and give money to our favorite public radio stations, but we don't donate a lot of time. We don't go to soup kitchens or anything like that. We aren't modelling the act of giving. That is something I would like to change in the coming year. I want my daughter to gain a little perspective about Christmas, at least as much as an almost six year old can.

I feel like I have turned off the Christmas machine in our lives so much already. We have stopped buying presents for people outside of our own little nuclear family. I guess that is a triumph. When it comes to other family members and friends, we don't go to stores and shop. If we give anything, it is homemade or simple, simple. We've made calendars, canned apple butter, homemade kahlua, candles, etc. This year, I am making candy and homemade Irish whiskey. The kids are making dough ornaments to give away. It's not that I don't like to buy presents for people, but we don't have a lot of money and time to spend shopping, and I find the mall such an empty, soul-sucking experience.

I would prefer it if people saved their money and stopped buying me presents, too. I know they mean well, but most of the time, the gifts just add to the clutter in our house and take up space. I know that is not nice of me to say. I should feel grateful for friends and family who want to show they care. Believe me, I am grateful. But I really would be happy with less - much, much less. There is truly little that I need or want, and I feel embarrassed by all that we get when so many people do without.

I guess all I can really do is change myself and model the behavior I wished the world would exhibit. Luckily, my husband and I are on the same page. I can't imagine trying to make these changes without someone around who believed in them, too.

Happy holidays everyone!

It's official!

I think it has been officially determined that I am the worst excuse for a blogger that there ever was. If I wasn't so darn busy these days, I would write more. But with graduate school, two kids, a part-time job, not to mention my duties for Real Diaper Association, I just have no time for activities like blogging.

Sometime soon, I will tell you all about how Terry talked me down from going to Ikea this weekend. I wanted to make a trip to Ikea in the worst possible way. I was itching to shop. Luckily, my wonderful husband talked some sense into me.

We did buy a backpack for Scooby Doo from Sports Basement and also two mixing bowls from Rainbow Grocery. I guess we aren't really sticking to the Compact these days. I wouldn't say we are giving up yet, though. I don't know. Perhaps we have quit the Compact, yet our experiences have forever changed how we shop. I suppose I could go into more details, but I have to pick up Scooby Doo from kindergarten. TATA!

August 8, 1998

Terry and I first met on the bus during the early evening of May 5, 1995. I was going to meet some friends and he was going to work. He usually rode his bicycle to work, but he had a cold so he rode Muni instead. I had just missed the previous bus by a few seconds, cursing the driver as he drove off without me, the way Muni drivers sometimes will. Little did I know the driver's indifference to me was the beginning of my new life, fate in action. Terry and I married 1,193 days later.



Our wedding was sweet and simple after months and months of preparation. I will never forget how fast the day zoomed by when so much time was spent in anticipation. It really is only one day of many more to come. I didn’t have any kind of letdown, and I find it funny that so many people do. How can you feel let down after getting married? It is weird, almost like people live for the wedding and not for the marriage. If that is one thing I would like to drill into the heads of brides-to-be, it is perspective. Before our wedding, for weeks, I had wanted it to just be over, so I could be married and spend my life with Terry.

There are a few moments that stand out when I think of our wedding day. I remember tripping on my ill-fitting shoes as my father walked me down the aisle. I remember sobbing in my new husband's arms after the ceremony was over, just so overcome with emotion and happiness that I couldn't speak. I remember us cutting our cake, both of us feeling like fish in a bowl. I remember laughing when we drove away from everyone waving at us.

We had a stressful first year of marriage. Not because we were unhappy, just rough because so many changes occurred. We experienced the deaths and illnesses of family members and a childhood friend of mine. We had some financial problems. I was sometimes sad and anxious. I remember being worried that the other shoe would somehow drop. I was scared that something would happen to Terry and I would be alone again. I eventually got over it and got used to being married. It was like we finally grew into our adult selves during that year.

We were happy in our early marriage. There were some carefree and fun times. We got into backpacking and camping. We went to Europe. We stayed up late and went to midnight movies. We spent Saturdays walking all over the city. We challenged each other.

Two wonderful children and lots of diapers and spit-up later, I must say that I sometimes miss those early years. I miss the romance. I miss being alone with my husband. There are days that pass when I wonder if we have even kissed each other. But I know we are still happy. Our lives are so intertwined, I cannot imagine him not being there. There is no one who understands me better or who will ever love me the same. He makes me a better person every single day. I see so many more adventures ahead of us.

I love that Terry and I share the same sense of humor. The other night, we were busting a gut over some rich talking head guru guy on PBS spewing words about how he gained enlightenment at his house in Maui. All we did was look at each other, and we were both in stitches. I love that my husband believes he could never gain enlightenment from someone who rides around in a limo. We were cut from the same cloth. We have the same priorities and goals, two people on the same team.

I love you, Terry. Happy Anniversary. Let's take the kids out for dinner tonight.

Marketing and children

Hey everyone out there in blog land! We are still compacting, believe it or not. We occasionally have moments of weakness, but even those always turn into learning experiences. For example, on our way home from our recent camping trip to the Lakes Basin, we stopped to eat at Burger King. Yes, we gave in and took the kids to an evil fast food joint. Before you shake your heads in disbelief and judgement, please note that we almost never go to these kinds of places, truly. We had been in the car all day, had two cranky, hungry kids, and were driving on a stretch of road through the delta were there are no other dining options. Seriously, it was Burger King or Krisy Creme donuts. Blech, what a choice.

Scooby Doo was thrilled when we walked in because this fast food joint had a kids play area. Terry and I rolled our eyes, bit our sarcastic tongues, and let her play. Up to this point, we've been proud that we have been able to avoid these kinds of play structures. When our children play on structures, they are at playgrounds, not fast food restaurants. I actually think it is a particularly evil element to these kinds of establishments, but more on that later.

We ordered food. Terry had some kind of chicken burger, I had chicken salad, and we got the kids the Burger King version of a happy meal, but with applesauce instead of fries and milk instead of soda (at least they offer options). Of course, this came with a toy, a Lisa Simpson figurine carrying a recycling sign. I had to photograph the irony of this, poor Lisa wrapped in plastic while she is telling everyone to recycle.



Right now, Burger King is promoting the new Simpsons movie, putting images of the Simpsons on everything they sell, including the kid meals, even though the content of the movie might not be appropriate for children under 13.



These kinds of restaurants offend me on so many levels. First of all, the food is not healthy. Even if they offer salads and applesauce, it doesn't make up for the fact that fast food is just not good for a person. Fast food restaurants are not good for our society. If you don't believe me, read Fast Food Nation.

Second, the marketing to children is just not right. These companies are USING our children. They are preying on our children, getting them to like Burger King, McDonalds, etc. by offering cute characters on their bags, toys, play structures, etc. They do this to make them loyal to the brands so they will continue to give them their hard earned money for the rest of their lives. It really leaves me with a sick feeling inside my stomach.

Marketing is everywhere and I don't know how to avoid it completely. But being aware of it is the first important step I guess. Terry and I knew when we walked into that Burger King that the place was against our principles. Eating there just reinforced our feelings. I am sending those pictures I took to the Campaign for the Commercial-Free Childhood. Check out this organization. I find it inspiring!

Halfway there

Hey everyone out there in Internet blog land. I've been a lazy, good for nothing blogger. I haven't been keeping up with this blog, and I've probably lost all my readers, hee hee. Many of you probably assume I have fallen off the wagon. I've had my moments, believe me. Details to follow.

Things were crazy busy for the Mullen Four during the month of June. Terry was in Chicago for two whole weeks, the longest we have ever been apart. Lucent Technologies hires his company for two major tradeshows every year - CTIA Wireless in March and Supercomm in June. Although the shows are only a few days long, the setup often takes several days, sometimes a week or more. To keep Lucent happy, he often has to hang around for the entire setup, the tradeshow, and then the strike. The whole process usually takes 10 or 11 days. This time, it was a brutal two weeks.

Now I realize it could be worse. My husband could be a military man on a long deployment to Iraq or something. He could be a soldier on a battlefield, risking his life every single day with no hope of ever coming home. But he is not. He is simply a devoted husband and father who misses his family something awful when he is on a business trip. And we missed him. Being the sole parent in charge of two kids for two weeks is rough. It was hard on all of us. Terry was unhappy because he wanted to be home and he missed us. Scooby Doo missed her Daddy terribly. Even Baby Boy was extra clingy to me, knowing that someone was missing from our family. Finally, it should go without saying that I was unhappy because I was exhausted ALL THE TIME! I missed adult company. I missed help with the laundry and kids. I wanted some time alone. Mostly, I just missed my husband.

Those of you without children are probably wondering, "Why didn't you go with him?" while those of you who have parented a toddler understand why it was absolutely out of the question. Can you imagine me taking Baby Boy on a four hour plane ride? Yep, it would have been misery. Can you imagine me trying to take two kids all over an unfamiliar city alone while Terry worked? Yep, it wasn't going to happen. Sometimes, it is just easier to be at home, where things are easy even when they are hard. The house is baby-proofed, I know where everything is, and there are plenty of diversions to entertain and distract. Perhaps when the kiddos are older.

While Terry was gone, I did fall off the compact wagon a few times. As mentioned previously, I bought pajamas for Baby Boy. I also bought some new fish supplies for Alice, Scooby Doo's little goldfish. I bought a new coloring book for Scooby Doo and a ball for Baby Boy. I bought some more catepillars for Scooby Doo's butterfly habitat. I bought a card for a co-worker's birthday. I bought used textbooks for some classes I will take this fall.

Even though I faltered during the month of June, I don't plan to give up our project and neither does Terry. We might need to shift our focus for the second 6 months of the project though. Now that Terry is done with his crazy work hours, summer is upon us, and I am taking classes, it seems to me that we need to re-evaluate things and see where we stand. I will keep you posted.

It's pajama time!

I've been feeling so cranky about compacting lately. I have been looking for some pajamas for Baby Boy. He has outgrown most of his sleepers. I tried a few thrift stores, freecycle, craigslist, etc. The other night, none of his old sleepers would snap. So, yesterday, when we were out running errands, I stopped by Carters and bought him some brand new pajamas!!! I knowingly, consciously disobeyed the Compact. I knew it going into the store and the whole time I was in there. I feel pretty bad about it now, even though I got such a good deal. The pajamas were 70% off regular price. It still doesn't make me feel better about falling off the wagon, though.


Sometimes, it can be hard to live by my own rules. I can't tell you how many times lately I've been tempted to scrap the whole project. However, I know we are doing a good thing. It's just so hard to be patient when instant gratification is easily obtained.